Girl Cooties
by Hott
Summary: After a frustrating encounter with Caska, Gatsu asks Griffith why women can be so difficult. His answer is surprising.


Author's Note: I was looking through my fics and realized with a start that I never mention Caska or include her as a character. The female and the feminine never really have a place in any of my work; nonetheless, I felt that I ought to at least write something with Caska in it sometime, seeing as how she does provide a lot of tension and fuel to the dynamic between Gatsu and Griffith.

This is the result of my attempt. It didn't come out quite as well as I would've liked, but now at least nobody can claim that I refuse to give women a voice.

Girl Cooties

"Do you keep ROCKS inside your head, or what!?"

A muted "Ooo-ooo-ooooo" rose from the seated group of men at Gatsu's back. Gatsu could feel heat creep into the edges of his ears and his hands curl into angry fists.

"What is so damned complicated about doing your share of the chores?"

Gatsu forced his snarl into a confident sneer before turning around and facing his tormentor.

Caska.

She stood with her legs apart and her arms folded tautly across her chest, savage fire in her bottomless eyes and hot rage etched in her expression. Her soft lips were pulled apart in a disgusted sneer, and Gatsu was reminded of a wild cat before it springs.

He forced his gaze to remain arrogant and fixed on her eyes.

And because he knew it would madden her, he said, "Chores are women's work."

He felt a little jab of bitter pleasure as Caska's sneer worsened. She was so angry she was at a momentary loss for words, and Gatsu took the opportunity to fake a chuckle and turn away again.

"I'm not finished with you!" snarled Caska. "Women's work! Women's work my ass! I don't see how that tiny little thing inside your pants makes you better than me, Gatsu, especially when it's barely there!"

"Ooo-OOO-ooooo!!" breathed the mercenaries. Someone laughed.

Gatsu turned again, fighting hard to keep a handle on his mounting fury. He forced his expression to remain light and tried to ignore the eager grins of the watching soldiers. "You seemed to like it well enough when we last slept together."

"I did NO such thing!" Caska shrieked, her arms shooting out and down to her sides, hands balled into outraged fists. Her eyes flashed and she twitched with rage. "Griffith MADE me—"

"Because he knew how badly you needed to get laid," said Gatsu. "I'd lost too much blood to run away. I was the perfect victim. You think I'd want to bed with a hag like you?"

Caska flew at him.

The men erupted in cheers. Gatsu felt Caska ram into him like a dagger biting deep into the trunk of a tree. Her fists pummeled his ribs and he stumbled back, grimly pleased that he could get such a rise out of her.

He managed to lock his hands around her wrists. Gatsu pulled Caska away from himself before her fierce body against his could cause a different sort of rise.

"Hag," said Gatsu, enunciating the word even as he lied through his teeth. "I go blind just by looking at you."

With that, he shoved Caska away, his heart aching as he watched Caska fight sudden tears.

Gatsu stalked out of camp, going nowhere, anywhere, away from Caska, trying to look like he was just going for a casual stroll.

*

"Women!" spat Gatsu.

Griffith looked up with a start. He was sitting under a tree on the outskirts of camp, absently placing small stones and etching diagrams into the dirt with a stick in an attempt to brainstorm his strategy for the next battle.

Griffith watched Gastu's powerful chest rise and fall, and he ignored the flutter in his own chest. Griffith glanced down at his makeshift model, trying to keep his attention focused.  "You say that as if it were a curse," he said.

"It IS a curse," grumbled Gatsu, as he savagely kicked at a pebble.

The pebble rolled away under some old leaves. Griffith frowned. "That was an infantry squadron," he said.

"What the hell is her problem, anyway?" Gatsu demanded. "So what if I haven't rubbed oil into the tack yet? I have all day. We aren't riding anywhere. The tack isn't about to get up and leave. It isn't even noon yet. What does she think she is, my mother?"

Do not trouble yourself with her, thought Griffith. Caska is an impressive swordswoman, but she is also a hopelessly emotional wreck. Aloud he said, "My infantry squadron…" as he gestured at the pile of leaves.

Gatsu didn't seem to hear him. He kicked at another stone, slightly larger, sending it ricocheting off an exposed root. "Gods! She's like poison. No, like a scorpion. No—what's the name of that flower? The one that looks ok, but it can kill you if you try to eat it or something?"

Griffith sighed. He looked at the stone Gatsu had kicked, now ten feet to his right. So much for diagrams. As if he could concentrate with Gatsu anywhere near him, anyway. "There goes the cavalry."

"I mean, what did I ever do to her?" Gatsu demanded.

Griffith looked up at him.

Gatsu felt a sudden tingle, the same oddly pleasant shiver he always felt around Griffith when his commander chose to fix those icy eyes on him.

"Caska can be difficult, sometimes," admitted Griffith.

"Caska's a flaming bitch," said Gatsu, and immediately felt ashamed and sorry that he'd said it. "She just—she—it's just—"

"Girl cooties," interrupted Griffith. His tone was very serious.

Gatsu's momentum suddenly disintegrated. "She… what?"

Griffith curled his lips in the barest hint of a smile. Gatsu felt the strange tingle intensify. "Did you not believe in cooties as a boy? You know. Typical childhood nonsense. That girls were somehow tainted and unsuitable for play."

"Well… yeah…"

"Girl cooties," repeated Griffith, serious as before. "This is her problem."

Gatsu stared at him. "Uh…" he said.

"Women in general are far more complex than you or I," said Griffith, "but the result is the same: this makes them unsuitable for play. Just like cooties."

Gatsu stared. Griffith fought to contain a smile. Girls are unsuitable for play, Gatsu, he thought. Whereas myself, on the other hand…

"I… I guess," said Gatsu uneasily. "Seriously, though…"

"Seriously," said Griffith. "For example. If you speak to me and I react with anger, it probably means that either I am angry with you or that something has happened to me very recently that has badly upset me. However, if you speak to Caska and she reacts with anger, it could mean any number of things. Maybe she is angry with you, or maybe it's something else. Maybe she feels hurt, but instead she acts as if she is angry. Maybe she has had a bad day. Maybe you did something two months ago that she is still sore over, but suddenly remembers it now. Who knows?"

Gatsu nodded, still uncertain. Griffith fought a smile again. Though of course the inverse of this, thought Griffith, is that men can be so simple that they miss the most obvious things—or the things I hint most heavily at…

"So you see," said Griffith, "I am far more easy to understand than Caska."

Gatsu didn't say anything. He didn't quite agree with this; Griffith could seem just as tough to figure out—but at least Griffith gave Gatsu that strange and pleasant feeling, and not make him ache and twist up inside so painfully as Caska did…

"I don't know," muttered Gatsu. "She just, I don't know how she does it."

"How she does what?"

"She… she just…she pisses me off!" exclaimed Gatsu. "She just pisses me off, and I don't know why, and nothing makes any sense!"

"Calm down," said Griffith. "It makes plenty of sense. She has girl cooties. Other men do not. She is unsuitable for play. Other men are."

Gatsu snorted. "So what, should I just not ever have anything to do with another woman ever?"

Griffith could hold back his smile no longer.

"What?" said Gatsu. "What's that smile for?"

"Nothing," said Griffith. "It's just, there are more important things in this world than women."

"Like what?"

Like me, thought Griffith.

"Oh," said Gatsu, "right. Like being a mercenary. Yeah, ok, I know. Of course there are. It's just…"

Gatsu looked into Griffith's eyes as he tried to search for the right words. He fell into Griffth's cool gaze, the tingle suddenly spreading, the feeling simple and exact and clear and singular, and nothing like the fierce tangle of desire and hatred and guilt and shame he felt around Caska.

This was so simple. So amazingly simple.

Gatsu felt a deep and terrible truth stir somewhere in the bottom of his mind.

"It's just?" prompted Griffith.

Didn't Griffith just say that girls are unsuitable for—he didn't—no—but this really isn't—but I can't think—that's just—

"Well," said Gatsu abruptly, tearing his eyes from Griffith. The thing under his thoughts was struggling to rise, but Gatsu clamped down upon the suspicion with everything he had and drowned out its stirrings with a quick gush of words. "It's just annoying, that's all. I mean, sure, women are a pain, and there are other things more important, but I guess they aren't so bad. It's not like I have any other options, right?"

Before Griffith could answer, Gatsu turned and quickly headed back towards camp.

Griffith watched his retreat and sighed. Then he stood and retrieved his infantry and cavalry stones. The coming battle wouldn't organize itself.

Griffith sat again and rearranged the pebbles in a careful pattern. He realized that, according to this current plan, Caska would be too close to Gatsu on the battlefield. Her power could be better used elsewhere.

Griffith put Caska's pebble away from Gatsu's, far away on the other side of the model. Then he moved Gatsu's pebble very close to his own.

There were many things more important than women, after all.

--Hott


End file.
